Came out to my sister, dad found out

So, I called my sister two days ago to tell her that I am transitioning.


Hey, There's been some stuff on my mind and I just wanted to talk to you about it.

Do you have 10-15 minutes to spare?

So, for a while now I've been having some issues. I've had really bad self-confidence. I feel like it's held me back at work, in my social life, and even when I was in school. When I'm trying to get things done, I feel like I have to create another personality and pretend to be something I'm not to get anything done.

Even in high school, I realize now that to have friends, I felt like I had to pretend to be something I wasn't.

So, especially after all the stuff that happened at SCAD, I really felt like I've needed to work on myself. I've been trying to be more proactive about my life, speak up for myself at work. I've been going out with friends more often, even went to a couple places I wouldn't normally go. But I still felt like I wasn't being myself and was still really feeling self-conscious all the time about things.

I thought that some of the discomfort was with the way I looked, so I've been trying to get in shape. I've worked out a lot, and I feel pretty good about my weight now, and mostly about how I look. But it still isn't quite the root of the issue.

So after I tried all those other things, and they didn't work, I wondered for a long time if it could be something a lot deeper. I started therapy recently, after a lot of thought, to start a gender change.

I've been going for a while now, and I really feel that this is something I have to do to improve my life and improve myself and my image of myself.


I haven't told Mom or Dad yet. After thinking it out and talking to my psychologist, I really feel like you needed to be the first person in the family to hear this. I know you'd be the only person to really listen to me. And I know that Mom and Dad are probably going to call you and screw up everything I've said.

I'll be living fully as male by the end of May.

She was pretty cool about it. Apparently, a woman she works with has a "son" (I shuddered to hear her say that) who just started transitioning (MTF). She actually just started hormones a couple days prior. Anyway, sister said that when it first came up, she and her husband, Ross, talked about me. They said it might be a possibility. (Great powers of deduction, guys! They probably knew before I did!!!) So anyway, I planned on doing videos today and sending them. But last night I got a call from sister. She said she'd been freaking out because she didn't know when she'd get a call. Mom and Dad were calling her all day, and she freaked. Anyway, apparently she talked to dad and the conversation went something like this:

Dad: We need to talk. It's about Juli.
Sister: Oh, I know already.
Dad: You do?
Sister: Yeah. You got the video? How do you feel?
Dad: Video? What video?
Sister: Uhhhh...

So, sister didn't tell him. Dad had found on google my videos and had watched them. Weird thing is, try as I might, I couldn't find a way to search for these videos on google. My dad must have done some sort of pay site or something, *I swear. Anyway, he told sister that he just loved me and wanted me to know that.

It's frustrating. Every time I go through something, it feels like he "loves me", but then tortures me. He took all my money in college and practically disowned me, and then turned around and told me I had to call him every week. He still treats Angie like she's just a growth, not as my partner or as part of the family. He definitely doesn't give her the same sort of respect he gives Ross. Why does he think I care whether he loves me or not? Anyway, I thought I'd be all worried about it today, but I feel like a loads been lifted from my shoulders. I feel like I'm through, I don't have any care left. I'm ready to move on and start over, without him.

So I went ahead and made the videos, just like I was going to. I'm trying to send them now, but YouTube is being stupid. I can't imagine that my mom is going to have as good a response. Last year, I jokingly sent her a card that said "From Your Son" for her birthday. I feel kind of bad now, since I wasn't thinking about this at all then. But anyway, she freaked out completely. But she's always trying to push into my head things. Like, she always brings up how much I loved dresses growing up. sister, in our initial conversation, says she remembers me putting up huge fights because I ALWAYS hated wearing dresses. So I have to wonder, how else has my mother deluded herself? I already know that she can't keep a story straight for 10 seconds, and she twists the truth constantly to her will. How will she deal with this?

Anyway, I was just kind of angry that my dad couldn't just hate me and leave me alone.

*I swear, stated for emphasis only. Not to be taken literally.